My First Job Dairy

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(House on Mango Street)

Dear Dairy,

        That was the weirdest and the scariest experience ever. That was very strange. It was my first job, working for the Peter Pan Photo Finishers. I was finishing up my shift, when a some man came up to me. I assumed he would be much more caring to me than he actually was. He had very nice eyes, and he acted like he would be my friend. He even told me that I could sit with him during lunch, in which earlier I had just eaten fast and hid. That was my first example of being naive. When I hid, I was not trying to conquer new things, I was still very childlike in reverting to the only thing I new what to do, which was to hide.

        I  was also very naive when he asked for a birthday kiss. I had no idea what he could do that would be different. Looking back, I was in a blur which was caused by my naiveness. I did not remember what Mr. Benny had said, about how looking like a woman both brings a new look, but also the threats to me. So I just went to kiss him, and I got what I should have been expecting. As soon as he pulled my head, I knew  had made a mistake. He refused to let go, he was doing something to me that I should have been aware of. I was traumatized by what this happened. I felt defenseless. He was trapping me in my innocence and I didn’t no what to do, because of how old he was and how I had never had one of these encounters. Young woman get molested and sexually abused the most, because of there innocence and them not understanding threats. I was scared, because something like this had never happened before. I was growing up, so I had been looked at, and commented on, but never anything near threatening. He did not even ask if he could. I am getting older, but there is still some things that I need to be aware of. When I look older, and when I act older, and do things that older people do, I am faced with the threats of abuse, especially sexually. So I always need to be careful not to grow naive to situation like this and be more aware of myself and what is happening around me.

          I was not aware, and I should’ve been, because I had learned about this same thing earlier on Mango Street, when we got the new shoes. We were looked on, and the same exact experience happened to Rachel, except we were there to protect her. But that does not always happen in life. We need to learn to defend ourselves, because there is not always someone to watch your back. I was naive in that moment, and know I have learned from my mistake. I dressed up like a woman, I acted like a woman, and I got the consequences of when a woman is naive. I was not ready for it, but now I will be, because it has happened before. 

Yours Truly,

Esperanza

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